Jerry Saltz’s Favorite Bad Television Shows

The ones he secretly loves and records and watches five or six episodes in a row of, alone.

This article originally appeared in Jerry Saltz’s Favorite Things, a new limited-run, subscriber-only newsletter in which our chief art critic writes about the cultural products that have shaped his perspective. To read the full series, click here to sign up for the newsletter.

I have a large, crappy flat-screen television. We’ve owned it for more than a quarter-century. I watched the planes smash into the World Trade Center on it. It sits on a rolling library table that has never been rolled. My wife and I are both in our 70s. Each of us has a large desktop computer, so neither of us has ever watched a movie on a laptop. Everything we’re capable of tech-wise, I taught myself to do. Which is next to nothing. Roberta, my wife, is unable even to turn on the TV. She barely watches it anyway. I’m the only one who still watches. I will watch for no more than two hours a day.

I figured out how to get Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Disney+, and a few other streaming services. Scrolling through all the selections and categories is so time-consuming and exhausting, and I only really want to watch documentaries. I have watched maybe 30 of them and now can’t find any others. We try to get ourselves addicted to fictional shows. But finding them is boring and it’s a real commitment. I love dress-up costume shows, but most of them are shite.

Below is a list of shows that I secretly love and record and watch five or six episodes in a row of, alone. You’ll see my taste is pretty narrow and very specific. And suspect. There’s no story, no actors. They are shot generically, artlessly. This stylelessness is a style unto itself.

COPS
The classic show — I’ve recorded hundreds of its episodes.

COPS (rebooted)
After George Floyd, COPS disappeared from the airwaves. I now record every episode of this much-updated version.

Sheriffs: El Dorado County
This show is dedicated to this one area of California. It’s amazing to watch how many rules, regulations, and laws policemen have to know just to do their jobs. To say nothing of their familiarity with long stretches of nothingness, the chaos, and violence.

Jail: Las Vegas
Las Vegas’s county jail gets a regular stream of drunks, drug addicts, and petty-theft and domestic-violence cases. This program follows a few prisoners as they are booked. We see scores of people who will bail out in a matter of hours. Some, however, make trouble and have to be strapped into chairs to cool off or confined alone in a cell for a couple of hours. We get a real slice of life.

On Patrol: Live
I love this show. It follows a handful of national police departments for three hours on weekends. I could easily watch 24 hours a day of this show.

First Shift
A supercut version of previous On Patrol: Live episodes — with more banter. It isn’t good, but if you have nothing else, it’s worth it.

Forged in Fire
Here is a show about metal forging and shaping — craft-making, process, forms. Boy, for a while, I could not get enough of it. A hundred times better than the reality-TV show about art that I was on for two years and was paid peanuts for.

Formula One
I never knew what Formula One was before this megahit show. Once I turned it on, I never stopped watching — even though Red Bull and Max Verstappen have made it boring. Ask me anything about F1; I can tell you. I want to dedicate my whole life to following the circuit.

Full Swing
I couldn’t care less about golf. Many of the white bros who watch it in person seem to be Trumpists. As with Formula One, the creators fashion enough drama to get me to watch it. I met some of the kids who make this show. They work at Vox! They’re fantastic. I asked if I could work on it and they laughed.

Last Chance U
This fantastic documentary series follows many underprivileged kids to junior colleges, where they try to catch on with the football or basketball teams. We witness tragic and heroic stories. We are reminded how the cards are stacked against them merely because of where they come from and/or the color of their skin. We witness great stories.

Cheer
This one follows a cheerleading squad. You come to see the sport of cheer not as a frivolous activity but a deeply athletic competitive endeavor with tremendous gymnastic skills. And guts.

All or Nothing
This documentary series spends a season with a professional team in various sports. I love every season that I’ve been able to find.

Fargo
I maintain that the film Fargo is a documentary. This made-for-TV series is fantastic. I don’t care what the plot is. The landscape is flat, empty, open, often frozen. As a son of the Great Lakes who often visited Minnesota, the accents are all familiar and fantastic.

Peaky Blinders
It stars Cillian Murphy and my favorite living actor, Tom Hardy. I would watch him in anything.

Call My Agent!
A French show about actors and agents and the French film industry. Sweet, surprisingly funny, touching on deeper issues.

A French Village
This show is a great slow-moving clunker. In micro- and macrocosmic ways, it deals with how the French collaborated with the Nazis. A great metaphor for our current American moment of Republican collaborators and enablers.

Ozark
If you can get past the violence of the first few episodes.

Breaking Bad
I love shows with no humidity. This is the best ever in that respect.

Better Call Saul
Because it was actually maybe better than Breaking Bad.

Battlestar Galactica
The perfect vehicle for Iraq War times. Bush-Cheney America with pinches of semi-jingoistic sci-fi.

Curb Your Enthusiasm
Men like this show. I am a man. I love it.