The Hunks Du Jour Need to Start Having Fun on Instagram Again

The hunk situation on Instagram is dire. Whatever happened to Hollywood heartthrob posting a thirst trap or two?

If you want to see Hollywood hunks — good-looking male actors who star in movies and television and maybe have an indulgent, unnecessary musical side project — the place you go to see them is Instagram. That’s as close as any regular person would get, despite what fanfic or movies starring Anne Hathaway would have you believe. Opening up Instagram should be a good time, in theory, but let’s face it: The hunk posting strategy is getting dire. The hunks are not posting themselves. In fact, they’re barely even posting at all.

A decade ago, a hunky, up-and-coming actor would have a thotty Dubsmash account or a boy band was contractually obligated by Simon Cowell to do video diaries. Though it may not seem like it now, hunks used to post! They used to show us their friends, they used to do travel photo dumps, and they used to post unflattering gym selfies. The latter-day studs — Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, any Chris, really — have their accounts under strict lockdown, posting for promo only. This behavior is influencing actors on the rise to keep a boring and sparse Instagram presence. Can’t some of them at least do a casual photo dump? Spon??? Worse than no-posters, some actors pivot to a grainy DSLR aesthetic, which makes a cursory Instagram scroll feel same-y and dull. If anyone should be cajoled into having fun on Instagram, it’s hotties! To better understand the untapped potential, here’s a taxonomy of how the boys in movies you love are posting these days.

The Analog Photographer

A quick peep through these accounts suggests these guys would rather be behind the camera than in front of it for once in their lives. Well, until they direct a movie, they should also be in front of the camera, like maybe their phone camera instead of their vintage Canon. These guys eschew objectification in an attempt at both self-directed privacy and a half-hearted attempt to be taken seriously.

Paul Mescal a.k.a. @bigbreadpedlar: Mescal shot to fame in Hulu’s Normal People, and he’s since gone on to star in a number of indie films prior to this year’s Gladiator 2. Part of Mescal’s enduring appeal is commitment to his friends and family, as evidenced in his mostly quiet Instagram where he shares photos he takes of the people he loves — including, most recently, Gladiator co-star Pedro Pascal. There’s a sleepy niceness to it all, but still: Wouldn’t it be fun to see him in shorts on there?

Josh O’Connor a.k.a. @joshographee: O’Connor might be best known to American audiences for his stint playing Charles on The Crown, but this spring’s Challengers promises to lob him into a new echelon. O’Connor’s Instagram updates mostly with mostly black-and-white photos presumably taken by him; as the handle might suggest, it’s more of a photography account than an actor’s account –– most recently sharing pictures from his work on the arty, Italian La Chimera. Being relatively late to the Josh O’Connor fandom means that I was otherwise unaware that he was, briefly, reviewing Domino’s pizzas on his IG stories, suggesting that a better future could be out there.

The Publicist

A haphazard scroll down the page of one of these hunks yields only photoshoots from awards shows, getting ready for awards shows, magazine spreads, getting ready for magazine spreads, premieres, and getting ready for premieres. Harry Styles gets an extra tip of the hat because on top of his professional concert photos, he’s still inexplicably shilling gender-neutral (?) nail polish. These guys haven’t logged onto their own verified accounts in years, and we likely won’t see them back there anytime soon.

Nicholas Galitzine a.k.a. @nicholasgalatzine: Galaztine shot to fame with last summer’s double-header of Red, White & Royal Blue and Bottoms, and that shock to the system means you’ll rarely see him post anything that’s not editorial. That’s not stopping any time soon: Next up he has Mary & George and a swooning role in The Idea of You, in which he plays the type of guy he is in real life except I hope that guy is more fun on Instagram. If I see “photo credit” on here one more time …

Harry Styles a.k.a. @harrystyles: Proof that looking at the craziest pants on a relatively normal guy loses its appeal after a significant amount of time. Styles has been one of the most boring people to follow on Instagram for a while; even his most dynamic photos lack a genuine personality.

Jeremy Allen White a.k.a. @jeremyallenwhitefinally: That White’s personal life has taken a turn for the tumultuous is a more than valid excuse to pivot to promo only, but amid all the pap photos of his cig and Rosalía breaks, we know he’s out there chilling. His page is all awards-season thank-yous and gratitude posts. It’s April now … he hasn’t posted since January … please … I know The Bear won’t be back until later this year, but someone has to do something.

The Photographer and the Publicist

Now why does Charles Melton have a promo-only account and a photography account? The former Riverdale star and current Todd Haynes muse spent his indie promo season updating both accounts, populating his former with photos from press events and the latter with pics from his time on set. Were I his social-media manager, I’d encourage him to merge the two and also maybe go Live once in a while. What’s the worst that could happen?

The Recluse

Leave them alone! They’re working! They might have posted moodboards and screenshots and candid and funny photos pre-pandemic, but this is a different world now and you’ll only see them once every four months when they have an editorial to share. Don’t even go looking for them — all the work is up on the screen.

Jacob Elordi a.k.a. @jacobelordi: It’s crazy to feel nostalgic for when a six-foot-five Australian would post low-res screenshots of a Mike Leigh movie, but here we are. Elordi’s years of posting during the height of Euphoria suggested that he was a student of film and art who was eager to transition into bigger and better. Now that he’s done that, he’s given himself permission to go dark.

Harris Dickinson a.k.a. @harrisdickinson: THIS is what we need to see again from everyone on this list.

Joe Alwyn a.k.a. @joe.alwyn: When Alwyn is posting, which is rare, like once-a-year rare, he’s transitioned into a casual photo dump that occasionally features both press photos and memes, a rare feat. It’s clear that having the most famous girlfriend of all time led to a significant amount of reclusivity, but what better transition out of a long, public relationship than taking on the exact opposite posting strategy to Taylor Swift? Show us (and her) what we’re missing. Literally!

The Good-Time Guy

Despite all these future Oscar hopefuls and general non-posters, there are still Hotties Who Have Their Passwords out there. These guys GET it and they KNOW it. They post casually without much stress or oversight, have not embarrassed themselves or spoken out of turn, seem to have a fun, cool life, and — most importantly — are willing to share it with the thirsty public.

Barry Keoghan a.k.a. @keoghan92: To be fair, there’s a ton of promo on Keoghan’s page, but that he always has time to post an unflattering photo (or two) with an industry peer suggests a looseness that’s hard to come by. Keoghan’s appeal both on the press circuit and on his page is that he’s a goofy, grateful guy (a.k.a. Irish — Mescal, take notes) who is just as happy hanging with his mates as he is going to a gala.

Timothée Chalamet a.k.a. @tchalamet: AirPods in and peace sign at the ready with a Wonka suit avatar is unfortunately why we all keep coming back to this little weirdo. Chalamet was and remains the original hunk poster of this current generation, as he’s always seemed eager to share at least a little of what he gets up to. That he’s kept up pics (bad, unflattering, shitposts) from years ago suggests he understands that Instagram is more of an archive of the personal than a vehicle for streaming film promotion.

Ncuti Gatwa a.k.a. @ncutigatwa: This is the heir apparent to the Tom Hardy Myspace photo era: a hot, fun actor eager to share photos from vacation, outfits he’s worn, and gym selfies! GYM SELFIES ARE BACK! This guy works hard on his body and he’s happy to show it.

Jack Lowden a.k.a. @jack.lowden: Here’s a celebrity account that has it all: promo shots, amateur photography, shoddy pics of a television screen, mirror selfie with famous significant other, occasional updates on Lego sets he’s building (this was in an Instagram Story –– you’ll just have to trust me). Lowden’s low-stakes approach suggests what I wish all the hunks here knew: None of this is that serious, just have fun with it while you can.