My man didn’t want kids, so I had them with someone else – but he’s still helping me raise them
COLD Feet star James Nesbitt is helping to raise the baby his girlfriend Katy Gleadhill conceived with another man while they had split.
Here, a couple share their similar set-up.
RACHEL McGuinness took matters into her own hands when her boyfriend told her he didn’t feel ready to have kids.
The 35-year-old childcare worker used donor sperm from a stranger and paid £8,000 for IVF treatment — going on to conceive not one but two babies.
Her partner Keith Haymes, 36, supported the plan and is now very much involved in the lives of twin girls Rosie and Rhea, who were born in October.
Rachel says: “Keith knew I had always wanted children but when I talked to him about whether he wanted that too, he said he didn’t feel ready.
“And he wasn’t entirely sure he could see kids in his future.
“When I said I wanted to go off and do it myself, he was totally supportive. He said he was behind me 100 per cent.
“If he hadn’t supported me, I still would have done it anyway because when it came to children, it was a case of when, not if.”
The couple were friends for eight years before it turned to romance at the end of 2021, when she was 33.
After years of searching for someone to settle down with, Rachel, from Dublin, was conscious that her most fertile years could soon be behind her.
She says: “I’d got to the point where I was fed up of waiting around for Mr Right.
“I’d even started looking into solo IVF, using donor sperm and my eggs, when I was single and Keith knew I’d always wanted children.
“Because we’d been friends for so long, we had the conversation about kids soon after we started dating.
“I was surprised because after telling me he didn’t feel ready, he said I should go off and become a mum myself.
“He was honest and I appreciated that. It was very early days between us, so I wouldn’t have wanted him to give me any false hope.
“Neither did he want me to put anything on hold for him as he knew it was what I really wanted.”
With Keith’s backing, Rachel carried on researching her options. Treatment in Ireland was around £8,800 for a round of IVF.
Rachel was desperate to get the IVF started but the waiting list to have it in Dublin was long.
Going overseas meant the process would be quicker and when they agreed to transfer two embryos instead of just one, for the same price, her mind was made up.
In December 2021, she found a clinic called Serum IVF in Greece.
Rachel used her savings to pay for treatment, flights and accommodation and in January last year flew out with her mum Rose, 72.
She says: “A scan revealed I had blocked tubes and I had to have a procedure before I could start the IVF.
“It was my dream to have twins.
“After choosing an anonymous sperm donor who was tall with brown eyes and dark brown hair — a similar colouring to me and my family — I asked for two embryos to be transferred.
“Even though Keith was back home, we were in contact all the time. He messaged constantly to ask how it was all going.”
After flying home ten days later, Rachel discovered she was pregnant.
“I video-called Keith because I couldn’t wait to tell him and he was really delighted,” says Rachel.
“He was like, ‘You’re pregnant! Oh my God!’.
“He reacted like most men would when they find out their partner is having a baby.”
And when an ultrasound scan at 12 weeks revealed Rachel was having twins, Keith was just as taken aback.
Rachel says: “I went to all my scans by myself because of Covid restrictions.
“But when I told Keith it was twins, he was gobsmacked.
“He was really excited and happy.”
But Rachel admits that she was worried about how her pregnancy would affect the relationship with Keith.
She says: “It was a fear of the unknown because I knew how much things would change with two babies.
“My family reassured me Keith wasn’t going anywhere as they could see how happy we were together and how well we got along.
“We’d lie in bed together with his hand on my bump, feeling the babies moving.
“But he never said along the way he wished they were his babies.” In October,
Rachel had a planned Caesarean at Dublin’s Holles Street Hospital.
Her sister Tracy was with her during the delivery, and Rachel explains: “Keith said if I wanted him to be there, then he would, but it was ultimately my choice.
“I decided I wanted my sister there to share the special moment with me.”
Rosie and Rhea were born healthy, weighing 4lb 2oz and 4lb 7oz, and Keith was waiting to help when they were allowed home.
Rachel says: “I live with my mum and Keith came to stay with me for that first night.
“He held the twins and he was awake with me for the night feeds.
“Since then, we’ve got on with things.
“If Keith stays over at mine, he’ll take them out of their cot in the morning and we’ll feed them together.
“And he’ll happily push them along in their pram.”
There is no dad named on the twins’ birth certificates and Rachel says she is in no rush to change that.
She adds: “There’s absolutely no pressure on Keith to become the girls’ dad officially.
“We’ve not talked about him adopting them. I don’t want to put pressure on our relationship.
“And the babies won’t call him Daddy because that was never my intention when I was going through IVF.
“But if he decided in two or three years he’d like more children, I might be open to it.
“I’m so content with him and my girls, I’d be happy either way.”
Keith says: “After losing my own dad at a very young age, I wasn’t sure when I would feel ready to be a dad, or what I’d be like as a father.
“Then when Rachel came home from the hospital with two healthy baby girls, the happiness and joy was there from the first moment.
“The twins are playful bundles of joy who give hours of endless laughs and entertainment. I’m so happy to be a part of their lives.”
- Follow Rachel’s story on Instagram, @donor_andme.
