Новости за 02.10.2023

More than 25 years after the killing of Tupac Shakur, a self-described gang member who has repeatedly proclaimed that he participated in the drive-by shooting of the rapper has been indicted on a murder charge. What do you think?

BERKSHIRE, ENGLAND—Hailing the competitor as a welcome addition to the show’s lineup, the new Great British Baking Show broke boundaries this week with its first-ever Yorkshire pudding contestant. “After 14 seasons, it’s high time that we had a dough-based competitor on the show,” said host Prue Leith, praising the…

STOCKHOLM—Lauding the man as one of the greatest minds working in medicine today, the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences reportedly awarded 54-year-old Facebook user Darren Weston the Nobel Prize Monday for his own extensive internet research into the dangers of Covid vaccinations. “We are proud to announce that the…

WASHINGTON—Concluding that the patriotic gesture was a significant drain on the country’s resources, a new report out Monday from researchers at Georgetown University found that the U.S. economy loses $5 billion every year to Americans rising for the national anthem. “According to our estimates, standing for ‘The…

SPRINGDALE, UT—Claiming the overly trusting elderly woman was being taken advantage of more and more, family sources told reporters Monday that grandmother Gladys Murphy had been scammed by every piece of technology in her house. “I don’t know how the air purifier got her to give it her credit card number, but she’s…

Porn, in all its hairless, vaguely consensual glory, gives everyday Americans an unrealistic view of how disgusting sexual intercourse really is. While you may think you look like the MILFs, naughty stepsons, or barely legal teens that you see on screen, never try to copy these moves from porn.

CHEYENNE, WY—Noting that the new legislation would go into effect almost immediately, Wyoming officials announced Monday that the state would now be adults only. “Wyoming is now a child-free zone,” said Gov. Mark Gordon (R), explaining that children currently inside of the Western state’s borders would have until 6…

NEW YORK—Saying the footage clearly showed the chaos that Democratic leadership had created in cities across the country, Fox News host Jesse Watters expressed outrage Monday at a viral video showing a mob of thugs using coupons to save money. “Look at the tape, people, these are essentially roaming gangs out there…

BRISTOL, CT—Viewers of the nation’s leading sports network were treated to a brilliant display of analysis Monday when ESPN NFL Live spent a full 10-minute segment meticulously breaking down a player running in a straight line for three yards. “Two yards in, [DeVonta] Smith is already got his body positioned to…

Attendees at Trump’s autoworkers rally outside Detroit reportedly confessed to journalists that they were not union autoworkers, despite the signs they were holding saying “Autoworkers For Trump.” What do you think?

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