69 things we think Rob Gronkowski got Tom Brady for his birthday

It’s DEFINITELY one of these nice things.

What do you get the man who has everything? Well, if you’re Rob Gronkowski you have one idea left.

This got us wondering: What did Gronk get Tom Brady, and why is he so excited that he wants to let the surprise slip early?

1. Loose ham.
2. An avocado carved into the shape of Bob Ross.
3. A sock full of pennies. Also the sock is used and had a bbq sauce stain on it.
4. A large jar of pickled eggs.
5. A copy of the RG69 Method.
6. Complete VHS set of The Golden Girls.
7. Scurvy.
8. A shirt with a wolf on it that says “Howl you doin’?”
9. Coupon good for one free wig with the purchase of a regular wig.
10. $4.73 left on a Dunkin’ Donuts gift card.
11. Cursed amulet.
12. A football.
13. A Gronk jersey, autographed by William H. Macy.
14. A copy of City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly’s Gold on Blu Ray.
15. A printed and bound book of Twilight fan fiction.
16. The URL for www.bikini.zone.
17. A semester of sex ed classes at the local YMCA.
18. Literally 101 dalmatians.
19. Three months of Moviepass.
20. A knockoff Supreme t-shirt from etsy.
21. A cake in the shape of a mermaid. The mermaid is naked. Also the mermaid’s head is Gronk.
22. One of those pens where you click it and the lady’s clothes disappear.
23. Cocktail onions because they’re onions, but like tiny dude.
24. A whole bunch of chia seeds to Tom can grow his own chia.
25. Tickets to the circus.
26. A complete set of Battlestar Galactica Funko pops Gronk found on clearance at a Spencer’s Gifts while shopping for a “Kiss the cook” apron for the Fourth of July.
27. A photoshop of the poster for Step Brothers with Gronk and Tom on it.
28. Crushed peanut sweepings.
29. A Wendy’s Value Meal.
30. A MAGA hat.
31. A coaster from a Boise Dave and Buster’s.
32. CHICKEN WINGS.
33. A autographed copy of A Gronking to Remember.
34. Tasteful nudes.
35. A geode.
36. A handful of magic beans.
37. A big ol’ pot of goulash.
38. A full size Borat halloween costume.
39. A voodoo doll of Roger Goodell.
40. An Elon Musk flamethrower.
41. Super Street Fighter II Turbo on the Super Nintendo.
42. A gorillagram.
43. Relics he looted from a tomb.
44. A treasure map leading to the fountain of youth.
45. Another man named ‘Tom Brady’ Gronk hired for a day to shadow Tom Brady.
46. A new “gritty” white receiver.
47. Celtics season tickets.
48. A lifesize cut out of Gronk that says “Let’s party, dude!” When you press his tummy.
49. A talking Alf doll.
50. The entire discography of Oasis.
51. 47 pounds of raw kale.
52. Mystery meat.
53. A used script for season seven, episode three of Dawson’s Creek.
54. A free personality evaluation from the Church of Scientology.
55. EGGPLANTS!
56. A surprise trip to ride ponies, which are like little horses.
57. A case of Yoo Hoo.
58. Every Logan Paul video loaded on a thumb drive.
59. Chicken fingers.
60. Chickens’ fingers.
61. A neon bar sign that says “GRONK.”
62. A JUUL.
63. Tastefully arranged vegetable tray with Tide Pods in the middle.
64. Couscous laced with HGH (he went in with Alex Guerrero).
65. Kirk Cousins’ mystery 4th of July grilled meat.
66. Raw plutonium.
67. That special coffee that only comes from cat poop.
68. A wacky waving inflatable arm-flailing tube man.
69. Something nice.

Ryan Van Bibber and Matt Ellentuck contributed to this list.