Confidence is a skill that can be mastered over time — here's how
One Halloween during high school, my school put on a haunted house.
For the haunted house, I wore a mask and a cape. It was really interesting to observe myself and the way I started to act. I started acting crazy, running around and scaring people. I did all these things that I would never do if it were just me wearing normal clothes.
Why? Because I felt safe behind the mask.
Years later, as I started to try to improve my social skills, I realized the benefit of what I had accidentally learned from wearing that mask.
Here’s what I learned: I didn’t have to change who I was. I could simply change the way I acted.
Or as I’ve always said, “Behavior first, then attitude.”
We can use this idea in our everyday interactions, too (no actual mask needed). I call it The Invisibility Cloak Technique — a simple but effective way to cover up all your fears and anxieties before you enter any social situation.
Whenever you’re in a social situation, imagine you’re wearing a cloak that allows you to be invisible, or cover up certain parts of you.
Now, it’d be weird if you walked around with a crazy Halloween mask on and went into a Starbucks saying “Greetings, how’s your day?”
Not going to go well.
But what if, mentally, you can apply this same tactic?
If I go to a conference, I’ll put on my Invisibility Cloak, which allows me to feel confident and say, “Who am I going to be today? What is my behavior going to reflect?”
If I want to be a really gregarious, friendly, outgoing guy, I’m not changing who I am on the inside to be inauthentic. I’m just changing my behavior.
And over time, my attitude changes to match my behavior.
Confidence hack #2: Make confidence building a game
One of the things I do is to try to make confidence into a game.
I try to make it fun instead of thinking “Oh, my God. What is the technical thing I should be doing? What’s the right phrase? What’s the smile? What’s the tone of my voice?”
That’s not fun, and it’s actually really overwhelming to think that way.
It’s much better to make it a game that’s fun so it’s easier to stick to overtime. Here are two fun and easy games you can play to boost your confidence.
The “60 Seconds” Confidence Game
This is very simple and actually pretty self-explanatory.
Within 60 seconds of going into an event, a coffee shop, or really anywhere else, go up to someone and introduce yourself.
The only rule is that you must do it within 60 seconds, before your anxiety can get the best of you.
It’s very simple and straightforward, but practicing this will help build your confidence over time because you’ll constantly be approaching new people and feeling more comfortable around them.
The “Day of Compliments” Confidence Game
The rules are very similar to the “60 Seconds” game. All you do is go up and give someone a genuine compliment.
You might say something like “I really like your sweater.” Or if you’re at a coffee shop, “Wow, I really like how fast you made that coffee. I’ve never had it delivered that fast to me.”
Whatever the compliment may be, just focus on delivering it to someone. Notice how you’ll start to feel more comfortable around people and confident in yourself when you do.
Push yourself to try doing this three times within 24 hours.
It’s a lot of fun to see people’s reaction to this because most people go through life without getting many compliments — you can be the exception and make their day if you do.
Get my free “Start Conversations with Anybody” guide that includes 3 openers that work for 90% of situations and 3 low-stakes experiments you can try HERE »
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