91-year-old gamer gets a visit from police after she misses her daily check-in call because was 'trying to beat her record level'

A 91-year-old woman who missed her daily check-in call got a surprise visit from police—and then police got a surprise of their own when they entered her home to discover that she hadn't fallen and was unable to get up, but was in fact just engrossed in videogames.

The happy-ending story comes to us from News 5 Cleveland (via GamesRadar), which kicks off with the promise of "an amazing ending to a scary situation," and the classic, "officers never could have imagined what they were about to find when they went to check things out."

After that comes nearly a full minute of talk about the town of Westlake's "Are You Okay?" program, in which participants receive a phone call every day to ensure they're alright. If they don't answer the call, police will go to their home to conduct a "personal check-in visit."

Which is what happened here: After multiple missed calls, police went to the woman's home and entered through the garage—and "what happens next, no one would have guessed!"

"We're with her now," one of the police officers dispatched to the home reported after finding the homeowner alive, well, and locked in. "She's playing videogames in her bedroom." And not just playing them, according to the breathless TV reporter, but "trying to beat her record level."

"Turned out to be okay," Westlake Police captain Jerry Vogel said. "Everyone got a good laugh out of it."

Look, I'm glad it was a happy ending, but I also take a little issue with how the whole thing is played. Imagine if this had been your 22-year-old wastoid roommate instead of gam-gams—would you be laughing about it? Or would you be yelling, "God dammit Ted, I told you I've been waiting for that callback all goddamn week and all you had to do was pick it up and tell them I'd be back in 30 minutes, you asshole!"

I'm guessing you'd be more inclined to the latter. I know I would. But we treat elderly gamers like cute aberrations, despite the fact that if you were a youthful 30 when the original Bard's Tale dropped, you're 70 now. And we're not weird! I mean, they're not weird. The point is, do you think this story would be in the news if the 91-year-old had fallen asleep watching Matlock?

(The answer is no.)

Not to be a persistent buzkill about the whole thing, but I haven't even gotten to the biggest issue of all here, which is the complete lack of journalistic responsibility on display that leaves the most important question unanswered: What game was she playing?

The people want to know!

As a True Pro myself, I am not willing to let such an oversight stand. I've reached out to the Westlake Police to ask, and will update if I receive a reply.