How 'Man Up' And Other Stereotypical Sayings Hurt Boys

Yesterday, my young sons and I were shopping when I heard another young boy begin to cry loudly in the next aisle. Immediately, I heard a man hiss, “Stop that crying right now. Only girls cry. Are you a little girl now? Should I go buy you a little pink dress? Cut it out NOW!” I stopped in my tracks at this exchange as my sons looked at me with wide eyes. “Mama, why did he say that? All people cry, not just girls,” said my 4-year-old. He looked to his big brother for confirmation. My 6-year-old hesitated and looked at me. “Is crying only for girls?” As I explained to him that crying is not in fact limited to a specific sex, I realized that we have officially arrived at the pivotal place in every childhood where gender stereotyping begins.

I can tell them all day long that one’s genitalia or sexual disposition does not inherently confine a person to specific rules, but how do I make them believe it when our current society is fighting so hard against it? When TV shows consistently portray fathers as either deadbeats or doofuses who can’t be trusted with even the simplest of household tasks or childrearing. When ads for colognes and pants over-sexualize them, sending the message that they need to have a six-pack and a waif-like female by their side to appear masculine. When commercials tell them that there is a particular standard of manliness they will need to be liked and respected among their peers. How do I fix the seemingly unfixable?

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