Since our threesome sex with my girlfriend has been a disaster
DEAR DEIDRE: Sex with my girlfriend has been a disaster since I had a night of passion with her and my schoolmate.
My biggest fantasy had always been to have a threesome.
We are both 31.
We were in bed talking about sex and what we’d like to do to spice things up one afternoon and I shared my sex dream.
She laughed out loud but said, “I’d be up for that”.
I couldn’t believe my luck.
She then started talking about hooking up with another guy when my idea was finding another woman to go to bed with.
But beggars can’t be choosers so I said I’d try to sort things out.
In the pub one night playing pool with my mate, I mentioned it to him.
He’s single, 30, and a ladies man – I knew he’d say yes.
The following weekend, I took my girlfriend to a wine bar and we’d pre-arranged to meet my friend there.
We had drinks, then went back to my girlfriend’s flat and watched a naughty film.
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My girlfriend started kissing me and then she moved on to my friend.
We went into the bedroom where things got very steamy but for me, it suddenly felt wrong.
They were getting intimate and I didn’t like it.
I walked into the kitchen for a glass of water.
I went back minutes later and they were still having sex.
I think they should have stopped when they realised I wasn’t happy.
Why didn’t they come to see if I was OK?
My girlfriend has tried to have sex with me since but I’m just not up to it.
I keep seeing her with him in my mind and then it’s a complete passion-killer.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Threesomes sound harmless but they don’t suit everyone.
Making fantasy (and your girlfriend’s one at that) a reality is where you’ve become unstuck.
Emotions often come into play as you found.
Men can worry they don’t measure up and women can feel used.
A third party can spoil the dynamics between a loving couple unless they are absolutely sure they both want the same thing, otherwise usually someone feels left out.
Ask her if she wants to go back to things as they were.
If she does, make it clear that there will be no more threesomes because this one has done too much harm.
My support pack called 50 Ways to Add Fun to Sex suggests plenty of other ways to spice things up.