I kicked my partner out because he can’t kick porn habit – I’m furious

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M so angry about my partner’s porn addiction that I have kicked him out.

I’ve asked him for space and time to think, but now I can’t even look at him. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him.

We’ve been living together for three years and were talking about marriage before this happened. I’m 33 and he’s 35.

He’s always spent a lot of time on his phone. He said it was for work – he’s a locksmith – and  I never checked up.

But the other day I got the feeling he wasn’t chatting to a client, as he kept smiling to himself and taking no notice of me.

I asked him to get something for me from upstairs and then took a look at his phone.

There were countless messages, sexts and disgusting photos of women – nude and in lingerie. I also found several apps and porn sites.

When I confronted him, he said he loved me but couldn’t help himself.

I feel utterly betrayed and disrespected. Although he hasn’t physically cheated on me, it feels like he has.

I look nothing like the women he chats too – they all look plastic, cheap and fake.

Is that what he really wants? 

DEIDRE SAYS: At the moment, I can’t see a way back for our relationship, but he is begging me to reconsider. Would I be a fool to take him back and try again?

Your partner has broken your trust and lied about his activities for many years. You are right to be furious.

But these types of sex/porn sites can be very addictive, as they trigger a dopamine release in the brain – just like drugs or alcohol.

Whether or not you take him back depends not just on how much you love him but also if he’s prepared to deal with his porn habit and its consequences.

You also need to decide if you are willing to help him, as it might not be quick or easy for him to stop.

My support pack Internet Porno-graphy Worries should help.

You may also want to think about having counselling together to talk about this – contact tavistockrelationships.org.