When You Have An Anxious Attachment Style, Getting Ghosted Hurts MORE
Let’s be clear: Ghosting will never not suck. No matter who you are and how confident you may be, having someone you were invested in suddenly cut off all communication without any warning will always be painful and confusing. It will leave you grappling with endless questions and wondering what went wrong.
However, if you have an an anxious attachment style, ghosting will feel even more devastating. After all, getting ghosted it is your worst fear coming true: being abandoned by someone you love.
Ghosting will make all of your insecurities rise to the surface. You will begin to doubt yourself and you will question your self-worth. But mostly, you will blame yourself for the relationship’s abrupt ending. You will take the lack of closure as an indictment of your character and treatment you deserve. You will internalize it all and it will ache.
You might try to convince them to come back first. You might try to fix what you believe you broke by sending another text, apologizing for whatever you think you messed up. And when they leave you on read once again, you will sink into a deep shame that you ever tried reaching out at all.
But you need to not let the ghosting break you. You must understand that them ghosting you is not a reflection of your heart. If anything, it’s about them and their comfort level with confrontation and clear communication. Ghosting was their behavior and it was their choice. You have no control over that.
That said, you do need to reckon with the fact that you have placed all of your worth in someone else’s hands. Because no matter how stable a relationship may be, giving away your sense of self to anyone will always be one of the most self-destructive things you can ever do.
While you heal, you must focus your relationship with yourself. You will need to learn self-love, maybe even for the first time. You will have to rebuild your self-trust and practice endless self-care.
It will take time and effort, but you will feel better one day. And maybe, just maybe, you might even be grateful the ghost walked away in the first place. Because in the end, they gave you a gift: the opportunity to finally come home to yourself.