3 Quiet Ways You Might Be Gaslighting Yourself

Surely you’ve heard of “gaslighting” by now, the psychological term that describes someone else’s emotionally abusive and manipulative behavior. But did you know you can actually gaslight yourself, too? Here are three concrete signs you’re self-gaslighting.

1. You suppress your thoughts and emotions.

At its core, self-gaslighting is emotional and cognitive suppression. Self-gaslighting is pushing away your valid emotional experiences and interpretations. Here is how Healthline explains it:

For example, let’s say that someone says something insensitive or hurtful. You might notice that your feelings were hurt, but then — almost instantly and impulsively — you think: ‘I am probably just making too big a deal out of it and being too sensitive.‘

What’s ‘Self-Gaslighting’ and How Do I Unlearn It? by Rachel Otis on Healthline

This suppression then leads to you internalizing the belief that your own perception cannot be trusted. Which brings us to the next sign of self-gaslighting…

2. You internalize others’ mistreatment.

According to Psychology Today, self-gaslighting is “when we pick up the torch from the gaslighter.” For example, if someone constantly tells you that you are “being too sensitive” or that something is “all in you head,” eventually you adopt this narrative and believe it by saying things like: “I am being too sensitive” or “It’s all in my head.”

3. Whenever you find yourself in any conflict, you always blame yourself.

Finally, whenever you find yourself in any type of disagreement or conflict, you never look at it holistically. Rather, you blame the entire issue on yourself.

While it is absolutely important to acknowledge your own role in situations, constantly turning to self-blame for everything is detrimental to your self-trust and self-esteem. It is also what ultimately keeps the self-gaslighting cycle going.

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Self-gaslighting can be difficult to overcome but it is certainly possible to heal. There are a variety of strategies such as self-validation, self-compassion, and more that can help you stop self-gaslighting for good.