Every time an athlete has been on ‘Sesame Street,’ ranked

From Jackie Robinson to Blake Griffin, the sports stars can tell you how to get to Sesame Street.

Sesame Street has consumed my life. So it goes when you have an infant daughter who is obsessed with Elmo to such a level that it’s almost scary. This means that Sesame Street is an ever-present force in our house, and over the last several months I’ve seen more episodes than I can ever remember watching as a child.

When you binge watch that many episodes you come to a realization: “Holy Curse Word Brought To You By The Letter S there have been a lot of athletes on Sesame Street.”

The fine people at the Muppet Wikia took the time to catalogue every athlete appearance with the Muppets, and from there I isolated just the Sesame Street appearances. Then, of course, I ranked their performances. Not only so you can share in my journey, but because it makes me feel better about watching SO MUCH SESAME STREET.

To be clear, I’m making no evaluation of an athlete’s quality in this ranking, as lot of all-time greats were featured in forgettable segments. This ranking is purely based on the athletes’ appearances on Sesame Street.

No. 39 — Tony Hawk

Tony Hawk didn’t even get an actual segment. He just was a brief cut in counting the wheels of a skateboard.

No. 38 — Reggie Bush

I couldn’t find video of Reggie Bush’s appearance, because it seems to have been scrubbed from the internet. It’s bad — like, really bad. He’s so wooden while Muppets talk to him about a sandwich.

No. 37 — Jackie Robinson

Sesame Street clearly didn’t know how to use legends in the 1970s. They had Jackie-freaking-Robinson and just had him do a monotone reading of the alphabet. Robinson played himself in 1950 movie! He could have done much more. What a shame.

No. 36 — Arthur Ashe

And here is Arthur Ashe in another boring alphabet sequence, albeit with a higher degree of difficulty. After watching these weak segments, I’m sadly unable to rank these icons higher.

No. 35 — Julius Irving

Dr. J got used as a prop by Big Bird.

No. 34 — Tim Morehouse and Daryl Homer

We’ve hit the Olympic block. Sure, it was nice for these athletes to get invited on the show, but they all basically got stuck in a room with Elmo trying to make magic happen with little resources. They deserved better.

No. 33 — Sarah Hughes

No. 32 — Dominique Dawes

No. 31 — Marcus Browne

I’m so glad he didn’t punch a Muppet.

No. 30 — Joe Torre

No. 29 — Martina Navratilova

No. 28 — Michael Chang

Big Bird’s shoe is basically a foot mitten.

No. 27 — Ron Darling

I can’t handle Telly’s voice sounding like this.

No. 26 — Picabo Street

No. 25 — David Beckham

I don’t blame Becks. He wasn’t given much to work with here.

No. 24 — Jason Taylor

No. 23 — Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudamire

Melo does pretty well here, but Amar’e, my man. Dude is deadpan staring into the camera half the time, and spends the rest seeming as uninterested as possible at playing basketball on camera. Grover is the star.

No. 22 — Miguel Layún

I don’t speak Spanish, and I’d never seen this long-faced, orange Muppet before watching him hang with Elmo and Mexico soccer player Miguel Layún. His nose looks like a half-filled water balloon. I like him.

No. 21 — Evan Lysacek

Stinky the Stinkweed is an underrated gem in the Sesame Street universe, and I will over rank any and all videos including him.

No. 20 — Terrell Davis

I wanted to rank this one higher on account of the talking football and Elmo screaming “You the man!”, but ultimately I had to dock points for an appearance by Baby Bear. Baby Bear is terrible.

No. 19 — David Robinson

No. 18 — The Harlem Globetrotters

No. 17 — Mookie Wilson and Keith Hernandez

This is the only Sesame Street clip where athletes actually teach kids how to play the sport they are notable for playing.

No. 16 — Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

No. 15 — The 2007 New York Jets

This is the best thing Eric Mangini ever did with the Jets.

No. 14 — David Villa

“It’s not a cookie, Cookie Monster.” David Villa seems legitimately concerned that Cookie Monster is going to eat his soccer ball.

No. 13 — Drew Brees

At first, I thought Drew was going to rank lower. But then he measured Elmo with a potato and won me back.

No. 12 — Jeff Gordon

This bit goes on so long! That said, I love a good worm race and Jeff Gordon is super into it. How did Sesame Street do NASCAR so well?

No. 11 — Matt Kemp

In which Matt Kemp plays with a sticker book and gets a Muppet stuck to him. Solid video, would be better without Abbie, who is objectively one of the weaker post-2000s Sesame Street characters.

No. 10 — Venus Williams

Elmo is a cheater.

No. 9 — Pau Gasol

Pau just seems so damn into everything, and he really stretches out his acting chops. I love the effort.

No. 8 — Albert Pujols

I’m a sucker for Grover throwing shade at Albert Pujols for two solid minutes by ignoring him.

No. 7 — Kobe Bryant

Kobe almost starts giggling like a kid when he has to pick up a hot dog. There’s a tiny Muppet Kobe at the end. This is extremely my aesthetic.

No. 6 — Dwight Howard

“Hi, I’m Dwight!”

No. 5 — Rebecca Lobo

Rebecca Lobo schooling Big Bird wearing a Larry Bird jersey is just wonderful. Also I’m a sucker for Telly in a ref’s outfit.

No. 4 — Troy Polamalu

Troy Polamalu sniffs a skunk, an onion, and an old gym sock. Very here for this.

No. 3 — Blake Griffin

He bawks like a chicken. Nuff said.

No. 2 — Tiki Barber

Tiki Barber keeps the energy up, his delivery is good and everything is spot-on.

No. 1 — Bo Jackson

One of the keys to a good Sesame Street appearance is an athlete who doesn’t hold back. Bo Jackson goes for it in his made-for-kids version of the Nike “Bo Knows” ad, while legendary rock/blues guitarist Bo Diddley goes HAM in the background. This is perfection.