How to have ‘rizz’
Opinion
During a time when social media continues to expand the English language, I, like many millennials/Gen-Zers, struggle to keep up. But there are some words that are coined via social media that resonate with me. One day, while scrolling through my TikTok feed, I began to notice the use of a word that, to me, signifies a movement that has taken society by storm. It’s the latest in a slew of terms used to describe “smooth operators” and “players”: the word “rizz” has taken over.
What is rizz?
Rizz originated on the streaming platform Twitch in 2021. Streamers Kai Cenat, Silky, and Duke Dennis were the first people to bring the word rizz into existence online. Cenat and Silky would host streams and watch each other go on “e-dates” (online dates where the participants have no desire to meet in-person), and they would “judge each other’s rizz in real time.” Subsequently, they developed a “Rizz Academy” where they taught others how to have rizz. Dennis expanded the definition to include “unspoken rizz,” which relies on physical behavior, such as battling one’s eyelashes. To have rizz, in proper English, is to have charm or charisma.
@dailycenat What Rizz Really Means😂 #kaicenat #kaimafia #kaicenattv #kaicenatclips #amp #rizz ♬ original sound - Kai Cenat
As an autistic individual, learning about charm through the term “rizz” was eye-opening. Growing up, I was conditioned to believe that everything I said and did was wrong. The best way I can describe it to non-autistic people is that it feels like Big Brother is always watching, and I’m trying my best not to upset it. As I navigated through my childhood, one of the most consistent criticisms I would receive was that I was “unapproachable.”
Students (and some teachers) told me I was not very friendly nor was I easy to relate to. I tried to do anything I could to get people to like me. I ended up as a theater kid and, despite feeling genuine joy towards it, I still wasn’t building deep friendships with others. It made me feel isolated, like I was on an island waiting to be rescued.
Learning how to have rizz
As a 24-year-old man, I started to take the initiative to break down the conditioning I’ve been put through as an autistic person and learn who I really am. One component of this has been utilizing charm (or rizz) to my advantage. In the media, I only saw patriarchal stereotypes of what having “charm” as a man was. All of the Disney princes were perfect examples to me. They are good-looking, heroic, tall, royal, and serious. In essence, I thought charming men were nothing like me. I was the quirky kid who brought his copy of The Twilight Zone to class in middle school (an old TV show for young people reading). When I began deconstructing my conditioning, I began to realize that having rizz isn’t a skill, but a mindset and that I, an autistic person, am capable of obtaining it.
In order to grow, I had to use rizz to my advantage. An old stereotype people have of autistics is that we are incapable of developing strong social skills. I would argue that many autistics are not only capable, but are hyper-aware of them and keep inventory as to what works and what doesn’t. This is where the rizz factor comes in. In order to fit in, I had to not only take notes but use them.
For example, let’s say you’re at a bar and are having a conversation with someone. One of the best ways to show people that you care what they’re saying is by actively listening. For autistics, this can be tricky. My advice is to (literally) take notes. Write them down on your phone. It’s good to keep a list of things the other person finds interesting. This can open the door to finding common interests with people, thus enhancing your charm to others.
Using rizz as a tool
In the workplace, I carry this tool by building on the foundation of what drives me and my coworkers: money. Of course, there’s more to find common ground on than money. I’ve found that this can open the door to have others feel like they can be vulnerable with me, and lead to discovering other commonalities. Romantically, I’ve used this skill to help break down the walls my potential partners have. This means not only being observant but doing my best to make sure they’re comfortable. Letting people into your charm means getting them to feel safe to receive it. I’ve learned that romance stems from safety. In order to achieve this, I’ve had to break down where the “fear” I’ve felt in social interactions comes from and look past it. It’s easier said than done, but it was necessary in my journey.
As I’ve come to embrace myself, using rizz has been my lifeline. I appreciate the ways social media has expanded our understanding of humanity. Even as a grown adult, I’ve been able to use it in order to better understand myself. Rizz is just a tool that I’ve been able to implement, and I would encourage you to do the same. It’s been a key that has unlocked more possibilities for me. It’s important that we lean into it as a way of communication rather than solely as a way to hit on people. It seems trivial, but incorporating new information is what pushes society forward.
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