When my ex-husband married someone with a similar first name to mine, I finally decided to change my married name
The author's ex-husband married someone with a similar name, so she decided to change her last name. She took on her son's middle name.
Courtesy of BOB'E
- When I divorced, I kept my last name to remain connected to my son.
- After my ex-husband married a woman with a similar name, I wanted to change my name.
- Instead of going back to my maiden name, I made up an entirely new name that helped me find myself.
I easily recall the lawyer saying he could change my name as part of the divorce proceedings. But it didn't make sense for me to take back my maiden name at that time.
While my husband and I didn't choose to remain married, my son and I were still a family. I wanted to have the same name as him and keep our connection.
I kept my married name for years until my ex-husband started dating a woman with a very similar name as me.
My ex-husband's second marriage changed things
When I realized that my ex-husband was going to marry the woman with a similar first name as me, I realized something shocking: She would also have the same last name as me, too.
I complained about the two of us having oddly similar first names with the same last name in therapy one day, and my therapist nonchalantly said, "You could change your name."
It was a flip remark, and I doubt he expected me to take it seriously, but I did. I became adamant about it. I liked the idea of coming up with something completely new and started exploring options.
The idea of creating a new name was intriguing
Of course, the natural and easy thing to do would've been to return to my maiden name. Except to me, going back to that name felt like I was going backward in terms of my life's evolution. I was a different person after my divorce, and I didn't wish to return to my pre-marital name. I'd grown beyond my family of origin, and rather than returning to that space and time by claiming my maiden name, I wanted to create something entirely new.
I called my girlfriends and asked them for feedback on what I should do and who I should become in light of this "opportunity" I faced. We had plenty of laughs while scheming names I could choose. I even pondered going completely rouge and having only one name like Cher or going all the way like Prince, who just had a symbol for his name.
I was certain that my new name had to feel good and reflect a new future.
One of my friends suggested I use my son's middle name, "Drake," as my last name. "Drake" gave me the new beginning I was searching for and kept me connected to my son, which was always my intent. We also laughed at the initials "M.D." and their air of importance.
My new name set the stage for a new identity
The first step to a new identity was creating and claiming a name. But the name change was much bigger than updating my records and getting a new Social Security card.
Beginning life with a new name started a more definitive individuation process for me — one where I came into my own as a woman, a mother, a professional, and eventually a business owner and author. It was a life where I learned what I wanted instead of taking on the likes and dislikes of my family. I also took steps to unlearn and reprogram the things I was taught that no longer resonated with my soul.
It was an unraveling of sorts that landed me a brand-new life.
My new name forged the way for me to follow the dreams of my heart and do things the pre-marital and married version of me never would've considered, like taking a massive pay cut to care for my mental health, selling my home and moving across the country, forgoing full-time employment in favor of entrepreneurship, and remaining single over having an unfulfilling relationship.
Choosing a new name was a practice in standing alone but connected to my son, bucking the system, and paving my way to a life I love.