If You Like Trickle-Down Economics, These Other Economic Theories Will Blow Your Mind

Most of us have witnessed the fiscal miracle of concentrated wealth freely gushing down onto economic tiers below, illustrating the most popular economic theory of all time, Trickle-Down Economics. Here are five lesser-known economic theories that could come to fruition now that the GOP Tax Bill has been approved.

Leak-Through Economics

This economic phenomenon occurs when exorbitant funds purportedly supporting a government agency are channeled into extravagant personal expenses of specific employees, exposing a “leak” of funds into such unwarranted places as government aircraft abuse and the over-botoxing of kept wives.

Blowout Economics

Every robust economy has a cycle of growth followed by an inevitable cycle of waste. This “waste” must be changed every so often in order to transform into more growth. Under the wisdom of Blowout Economics, the waste is instead allowed to accumulate, before becoming uncontainable and “blowing out” onto the economic classes below, releasing market pressure and necessitating financial waste management, in turn creating jobs for the lower class. Although these jobs are usually not recognized from a legal stance, they provide large portions of lower-class income during times following inflation.

Heavy-Flow Economics

Like all natural systems, an economy runs in cycles. Heavy Flow Economics theorizes the benefit of withholding finances for three weeks before suddenly releasing funds all at once every 28-32 days. Over the course of a month, the wealth accumulates at the very top to nurture the hypothetical wealth of the working class. When working-class wealth never occurs, a phase of market cramping is felt before a sudden monthly purge of finances is released into Swiss bank accounts belonging to the 1%.

Salty-Discharge Economics

Under this theory, an economic policy touts benefits to a lower economic class, while in fact only briefly “loaning” a token financial reward, which is immediately counteracted in latter areas of the policy, where it is then reabsorbed by benefits carved out to favor the upper class. The name is derived from what is expelled by the eyes of the lower classes upon realizing that the policy they were tricked into supporting has only left them further in debt.

Silent-But-Deadly Economics

This economic theory is named for the passage of carefully worded and nefarious legislation scrawled on a cocktail napkin and pushed through a Senate vote at two in the morning. Such actions are usually taken in an attempt to supersede the fall of a major political figure and secure the dwindling power of a faltering political party before it can be stopped in the light of day. Silent-But-Deadly Economic theory is marked by those who dealt it blaming others while denying responsibility and quickly vacating the market to avoid getting trapped under their own cloud of guilt.