THE MAIN CHARACTER, Week 8: College football's greatest final score ever - Each weekend in college football, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.
Welcome to the weekly college football wrapup that recognizes this sport is about nothing but feelings, primarily about enjoying the bad ones suffered by people besides you.
It’s nothing but feelings, all the way down. Made-up polls determine which teams get the most attention and best postseason invites. Friendship clubs founded 100 years ago determine which teams get to call themselves “powers.” Recruiting is about the feelings of 17-year-old boys, and even head coaches can vanish because some booster gifted the wrong color BMW.
So the college football internet is a potent stew. One does not watch one’s team win and then log off. No. One must maximize the advantage, storming rivals whose teams did not win, because the actually impactful Feelings Market never stops fluctuating. And if one’s team loses, there’s always punching down on somebody who had a worse weekend. Almost always.
Each day on twitter there is one main character. The goal is to never be it
— maple cocaine (@maplecocaine) January 3, 2019
Stream live college football games every week this season from conferences across the country on ESPN+.
Let’s see which of this week’s cast members earned MAIN CHARACTER honors. Once again in this especially strange season, there were multiple valid candidates, along with some strong supporting players.
Steve Addazio
One of the good things about playing weeknight college football: Everybody’s more aware of your achievements than they would’ve been if you’d played on Saturday.
One of the bad things about playing weeknight college football: Everybody notices when you lose a game in a way that infuriates anyone who’s ever played Madden.
This is one of the worst cases of clock management we've probably seen in years. Mind-boggling. Horrible way to lose for Steve Addazio and CSU. https://t.co/qCDdROtF40
— Bruce Feldman (@BruceFeldmanCFB) October 23, 2021
Colorado State head coach Steve Addazio tried to explain the situation, but only managed to portray his sideline as an anarchist collective with no, um, head coach.
Here is Steve Addazio's full comments about the final field goal sequence. Says Colorado State's field goal unit went on the field on their own when there should have been a spike.https://t.co/0OGgz3dTue pic.twitter.com/3TRYiNaSBZ
— Kevin Lytle (@Kevin_Lytle) October 23, 2021
Where was the special teams coach? Due to NCAA staffing limits, lots of college football teams don’t have one. And at CSU, Addazio himself has filled that role, along with a quality control staffer.
The ending of CSU @ USU just got even more interesting… pic.twitter.com/1F5XB8bQEa
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) October 23, 2021
Addazio, hired by CSU after his 44-44 stint at Boston College and an Urban Meyer recommendation, has at least remained consistent overall.
The mistake in the Colorado State/Utah State game might not even be Steve Addazio’s worst clock mismanagement of his head coaching career.
Wake Forest at Boston College was just as bad back in 2015 pic.twitter.com/beRzu1POAi
— Ben Cary (@Ben_Cary_) October 23, 2021
The weekly Arizona check-in
The Wildcats continue their quest to be considered for the title of worst team in FBS, losing their 19th game in a row, a 21-16 collapse against Washington. The following screenshot is authentic.
the arizona athletics account posted this tweet an hour before the game, offering a seat upgrade for free to anyone who replied. literally no one replied before game time pic.twitter.com/5JsFSC176u
— david potts (@dpottzzz) October 23, 2021
Oklahoma
The Sooners won, if we expand the definition of a win to include “trailed Kansas in the fourth quarter.” This is kinda OU’s thing this year, entertaining neutrals by trailing everyone in sight for at least a little bit, and we appreciate the Sooners’ commitment to drama.
Oklahoma and Texas running scared to the SEC to get away from Kansas.
— Tom Fornelli (@TomFornelli) October 23, 2021
Oklahoma has zero wins against currently ranked opponents. We don't have to respect it. https://t.co/cRF3mCbPuj
— Shehan Jeyarajah (@ShehanJeyarajah) October 23, 2021
And if we wanna ding Cincinnati for getting into an ugly tussle with Navy, then we’d better keep that same energy when it comes to evaluating OU.
Cincinnati FG makes it 10-10 at Navy deep into the 2Q.
Bearcats can’t afford many ugly games, could hurt them with the CFP committee. Need to be more dominant like Oklahoma.
— Chris Vannini (@ChrisVannini) October 23, 2021
Just to really hammer the point home, I wanna note Oklahoma (a team still ranked ahead of six other undefeated teams for some reason) was losing a game in an environment so football-averse, the stadium literally threw its doors open to pedestrians at one point.
This could be you: https://t.co/tm8Fk3WzeX pic.twitter.com/GxHwwrKSmU
— Nicole Auerbach (@NicoleAuerbach) October 23, 2021
Oklahoma State
You’d think an undefeated team losing to an unranked team would produce lots of giggles, but all I found were OSU and Iowa State fans competing to be angrier about Big 12 refs. (Also, nobody was all that astounded by the result, because Iowa State was favored at home anyway.)
There’s a lot of this, though:
Mike Gundy signing an extension and then turning around and losing to an unranked team is extremely on brand.
— ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????? (@BraydenOKCLE) October 23, 2021
All who tremble before San Diego State’s special teams demigod
Brady Hoke’s team is 7-0 despite ranking No. 110 in yards per play against FBS opponents, way down there between Bowling Green and Clemson.
How are the Aztecs undefeated?
Well, their defense is No. 3 in the same stat. In both metrics, they’re in clusters that include Wisconsin, Penn State, and Iowa.
And they have a guy who might be, relative to his position, one of the most advanced players ever. Punter Matt Araiza entered Saturday already on pace to set a new NCAA/NFL record for punting average, topping the 50.98 yards of 2018 Texas A&M’s Braden Mann by almost three yards per punt.
this dude is a punting GOD
in SDSU's six games, he has
—11 60+ punts
—4 70+ punts *NONE OF WHICH HAVE BEEN TOUCHBACKS
—also has two 50+ yard field goals on the yearhttps://t.co/5Mt0sH705Q— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) October 16, 2021
And then, in Saturday’s tight battle at 6-1 Air Force, the San Diego native blasted this 81-yard field-flipper that had announcers agog before it even landed.
LOOK AT IT pic.twitter.com/rKZyfdc5K6
— Robby Kalland (@RKalland) October 23, 2021
Matt Araiza has now tied the NCAA single-season record for most 60-yard punts in a season with 14.
It's game seven of the season.
— Jon Schaeffer (@jonschaeffer) October 24, 2021
And not only is Araiza unfurling 53.96-yard rainbows, he’s also No. 4 nationally in average kickoff yardage and 26-of-26 on extra points. His field goal accuracy, 69.2 percent, doesn’t look impressive, but consider the distance of his missed kicks: a 57-yarder against Arizona, a 55-yarder against San Jose State, a 48-yarder against Utah, and a 36-yarder against Utah. You could argue his average on field goals looks a little shaky because Hoke trusts his kicker’s leg enough to attempt 50-yard bombs. Araiza’s hit three of them, after all.
The Aztecs are 3-0 in one-score games, and it’s not difficult to argue they could’ve lost all three, if they’d had a mortal punter.
Post game Matt Araiza spoke about the confidence coach Hoke showed him tonight, and he lamented on his poor performance tonight. pic.twitter.com/xyzJ8j6yX5
— Paul Garrison (@PadreDeCuatro) October 16, 2021
Clemson, yet again
There are only two Power Five teams yet to score 20 points in regulation against an FBS opponent.
0-7 Arizona is one. The other? Clemson.
Both have played in six games against FBS opponents.
— Matt Zenitz (@mzenitz) October 24, 2021
Clemson hadn't lost more than one regular-season game since 2014.
The Tigers are now 4-3, with those three losses matching their total from the last three seasons combined. pic.twitter.com/Iz41l7sVz7
— ESPN College Football (@ESPNCFB) October 23, 2021
The Clemson Tigers are 0-7 against the spread pic.twitter.com/gR2XgO4tcO
— br_betting (@br_betting) October 23, 2021
Clemson headed to the Golly Gee Shucks Bowl
— Mekka Don (@MekkaDonMusic) October 23, 2021
The Tigers’ loss to Pitt sent everyone back to a couple very reliable comedy wells. First, it’s becoming clearer that the coach who once said he’d quit if players were paid by their universities is also overwhelmed by players being paid by companies.
Dabo is in shambles rn pic.twitter.com/upgpQ3jYUg
— kb (@karinasophia12) October 23, 2021
Maybe Dabo did quit over players getting paid but just didnt tell anybody? https://t.co/GaBBUv5wmz
— Stephen White (@sgw94) October 23, 2021
And second, the “Dabo Swinney without a generational quarterback” meme has become a weekly staple.
Dabo Swinney's record as head coach
• with Deshaun Watson and Trevor Lawrence: 66-5 (.930)
• with anyone else: 78-31 (.716) pic.twitter.com/z1Rwx6Rk0d
— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) October 23, 2021
Dabo without a generational QB pic.twitter.com/hExqubel4s
— ???????????????????? (@CxrtiChris) October 23, 2021
There’s an additional wrinkle of comedy here, as Pitt is now 2-2 against Swinney, and Clemson is now 0-1 all-time in Pittsburgh. But Pitt upsetting a No. 3 Clemson, as happened in 2016, was just Pitt doing kid-with-knife Pitt stuff.
Pitt’s supposed to wreck famous teams. Pitt’s not supposed to be actually good. So when Pitt is College GameDay’s unanimous pick to beat the conference bully, then not only wins, but covers the spread? It might not be possible to spend an adequate amount of time laughing about that.
Pitt is the first team to beat Clemson by double digits in the regular season and ACC play since 2014.
— Amanda Godsey (@AmandaFGodsey) October 24, 2021
This little nugget from @PIacobelli_AP —
Two teams have beaten Clemson twice since 2015.
One of them is Alabama.
The other one is Pitt.
— Will Graves (@WillGravesAP) October 23, 2021
Everyone was looking at Pitt, with expectations and a chance to close out a game against a blue-blood program, and Pitt just … did it? Took the ball with eight minutes left and didn't give it back? Totally bullied them for the duration of the game? What on earth has happened
— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) October 23, 2021
Pat Narduzzi: "Probably should have beaten 'em by another 14, to be honest with you." Praises his players, thanks the crowd. "Signature win for Pitt. We talked about that. They got it done."
— Jason Mackey (@JMackeyPG) October 23, 2021
Bama wants Pitt*
— Morgan Moriarty (@Morgan_Moriarty) October 23, 2021
Speaking of 2016’s upset, that was the game when the Panthers shovel-passed Clemson into agony. So imagine the 2021 Tigers’ dismay when they tried the same move against Pitt, only to realize they’d only adopted the shovel pass, whereas Pitt had been molded by it.
HOW DARE YOU TRY TO DEFEAT PITT WITH A SHOVEL PASS!! PICK 6 FOR PITT!! pic.twitter.com/D80uxlYBtF
— Sickos Committee (@SickosCommittee) October 23, 2021
And now, for a transitional tweet:
Penn State fans talking about Pitt’s attendance instead of football on the day Pitt beat Clemson and Penn State lost to Illinois, while still insisting Pitt isn’t a rival, is the most Penn State thing I’ve ever seen
— Ken Tripper (@SportsTripper) October 24, 2021
THE MAIN CHARACTER: Penn State
The No. 7 Nittany Lions were favored over Illinois by 23, with Vegas setting the points total around 45.
They then lost to Illinois in a game that produced only 38 points … despite each team getting nine overtime possessions, two each from the 25-yard line with full scoring available, and seven each from two-point-conversion range, per college football’s newish overtime rules.
So let me show you something.
ESPN
Do you see?
Illinois athletic department
DO YOU SEE?
Read that out loud in front of a mirror, and you will summon Heartlandyman, the Big Ten Candyman who is unable to progress within three yards of you.
This looks like the line score for a baseball game that ends with the backup catcher getting a save. https://t.co/8vqoBBeT5d
— David Roth (@david_j_roth) October 23, 2021
child's bowling party https://t.co/q2Y939FhS5
— Ryan Nanni (@celebrityhottub) October 24, 2021
The number of total yards in each of these overtime frames:
- Sixteen
- Twenty-four
- Zero
- Zero
- Zero
- Two
- Minus-one
- Six
- Three
OT8 really pulled its weight with four total points, and there were a few field goals in there. But otherwise, this was an entire bonus hour of horrendous football that accomplished nothing other than producing greater quantities of horrendous football, a nanomachine replicating versions of itself that really put the gray in gray goo.
It’s one of the five dumbest games I’ve ever witnessed. We’ve had 6-4, 3-0, 3-2, 2-0, and 0-0 games, sure. And I’m aware of 222-0, a fake game between an actual Georgia Tech team and some Cumberland guys pulled off whatever passed for streets at the time. But none of those disasters included each team getting seven freebie goal-line tries.
— E'Twaun Paramoore (Second Edition) (@MarcoRomo_) October 24, 2021
And the college football internet was riveted.
JOE BUCK: Welcome to the 9th OT
[Sun rises]
[Sun keeps getting bigger]
BUCK: yes
[World engulfed by flames]
BUCK: oh god yes— Matt Brown (@MattBrownEP) October 23, 2021
Illinois won a 9-overtime game with 38 passing yards.
I’m not missing a digit. https://t.co/GKxYCAOQZk
— Brett Edgerton (@EditorEdge) October 23, 2021
20-18 (9 OT) is a top-5 funniest score of all time
— actioncookbook (@actioncookbook) October 23, 2021
Hi @louvre you dropped this pic.twitter.com/qVVCkIdYzk
— Ramzy Nasrallah (@ramzy) October 23, 2021
Hold up. 9OT? Is that a new crypto coin?
— Eddie Maisonet, III (@edthesportsfan) October 23, 2021
20-18 in 9OT is the purest cocaine the Big Ten can produce.
— Mark Ennis (@MarkEnnis) October 23, 2021
No scoreboard has ever lied about a game more than "Illinois beats Penn State in 9 OTs."
— David Ubben (@davidubben) October 23, 2021
Even while acknowledging the extreme Big Ten-ness on display — remember that stat above about Penn State having one of the country’s best offenses and worst defenses — this was special. It’s gonna be a while before we see another game last this long with so few things happening. The new OT rule had been nicknamed the two-point shootout rule, after all.
If we assume a 48% conversion rate on 2-point attempts (NFL stat), the chances of going 0 for 10 are 0.06% or around 1 in 1,667 chance! https://t.co/APTPeavCAq
— Brad Powers (@BradPowers7) October 23, 2021
Setting a record for overtimes in a Division I football game and still falling an entire touchdown short of the 45.5-point total. That's B1G baby
— Alex Kirshner (@alex_kirshner) October 23, 2021
Not since 222-0 have scoreboards struggled so mightily to keep up with mathematical accumulation, because zero is a number.
okay this is the new champion, this is absolutely the best way to represent what happened today https://t.co/V5rhWRHZI2
— Rodger Sherman (@rodger) October 23, 2021
Seriously, if someone had told you a game went to nine overtimes and asked you to predict how many total points it featured, you wouldn’t have been crazy if you’d guessed 200 or more. Yet this entire, five-hour spectacle was outscored on Saturday by 60 minutes’ worth of the Northern Illinois Huskies. Here’s the complete history of power-conference teams playing in games of seven-plus overtimes:
- 2001 Arkansas-Ole Miss: 114 points
- 2003 Arkansas-Kentucky: 134 points
- 2018 Texas A&M-LSU: 146 points
- 2021 Illinois-Penn State: 38 points
But this is not a mockery of good defense, the Midwest, wholesomeness, chopped-and-screwed music, plate tectonics, or 1870s football. Let me reiterate how much everyone loved this disgusting game and wished it would last forever.
However, this was a game Penn State never has any business losing, let alone while having umpteen different chances to put it away.
Illinois’ first road win against ranked team since beating No. 1 Ohio State on Nov. 10, 2007. Ends the third-longest P5 drought. (Kansas last beat a ranked team on the road on Oct. 6, 2007. Vandy on Oct. 20, 2007.)
— Matt Brown (@MattBrownCFB) October 23, 2021
that is the worst loss of the james franklin era and it is not close
— Bill DiFilippo (@billdifilippo) October 23, 2021
the old maxim is true, you never beat Bret Bielema in a 9OT game
— BUM CHILLUPS AKA SPENCER HALL (@edsbs) October 23, 2021
And finally, my favorite post of the weekend:
20-18 (9OT) is inarguably the funniest box score of all time. The Sunk Cost Bowl
— Amanda Mull (@amandamull) October 23, 2021
Previously in THE MAIN CHARACTER
- Week 1: Brian Kelly
- Week 2: Ohio State
- Week 3: The Pac-12
- Week 4: Dabo Swinney
- Week 5: Jimbo Fisher
- Week 6: Alabama
- Week 7: Lane Kiffin, on purpose
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